User blog:Pokeballmachine/big oof that i don't think anyone cares about

Okay guys, so I've been feeling really down lately and noticed I do have depression. Most likely in the middle of moderate and severe.

I've just never felt happy outside of the internet, where I've been, well, quite happy. Kids my age and around my age are huge bullies, not just because we're teens, but because... well, I'm not sure, but it sounds like it.

At my school, I am hated for some reason. Why? It's because of what I'm interested in and what I'm not into. I'm into anime, video games, etc. For video games, I support Minecraft and I absolutely hate Fortnite. However, all the boys and actually some of the girls are Fortnite supporters. I kept my secret of me supporting Minecraft because I'm afraid they'll attack me. All the girls are into Stranger Things, which today, July 4th, the next season just came out. I'm not into Stranger Things, and I remember in December before I joined the wiki, one girl (who is a huge bully everyone hates) felt disappointed. I knew it. She hates me. She talks behind my back and about me that I believe she is so happy when I'm not at school so she can just trash talk about me. She changed my life drastically because she used to be my friend but then betrayed me once I hung out with others and started to change my interests for what's more of a boy would like. FYI, I'm a tomboy and I am not into everything the girls like. Most of the girls hate me, but there are boys who hate me while others are neutral.

Everyone at school hates me, and I never wanted to be in reality. I wanted to live in the internet where I would never have to speak to those bullies again. The bullies at my school are almost every kind. I wasn't sure about my sexualty last year, and on the last day of school they did question my sexuality, which I ignored. Now I found myself as pansexual while I thought I was asexual, so I'll say it to their face once I get back and if they ask about it. Anyways, you wouldn't want to be at my school due to those bullies. They'll bully you for everything. If you're gay/lesbian, if you have a sexuality, if you're not into something that those of your gender like, well, almost ''anything. ''Certainly if you're gay/lesbian. In elementary school, they would always do this thing at one of the tables where they would make you choose a random thing and they'll tell you something, but they wouldn't tell you what it would be. I don't remember it fully, so I might have a bit of it wrong. Then, it's like if they wanted to make fun of you if you were gay/lesbian or not, they would do it anyway. I remember that they accused someone of being gay and he looked down. I felt bad. I wonder if someone was actually gay/lesvian there, but if so, it would've been so terrible for them. I don't wish to be near them, but good thing I do have some others who support me irl.

I remember that in fourth grade, one of the girls decided to make fun of me in front of the class by making me go up to a boy I was friends with that everyone hates for some reason (even though he did nothing at all for what I know of) and saying that I liked him. I wanted to say no, but the circumstance was that I had a job assigned and she took the materials I needed to do it and won't give it back. I said no and she said "too bad" and continued to use it. I was assigned the job and I couldn't give it up or the teacher would be mad, so I had to do it. Then, she spread rumors about me saying that I had a crush on him. I was angry. Still to this day, everyone thinks I like him when many times I said "no, we are friends" and completely ignored everything. They still are doing everything they can to make me say I like him. I'm sensitive but I can still easily be fooled, though.

When I was nine, I had to move two hours away from my hometown. I lived there all my life at the time, and I just had to say goodbye to everyone who supported me. Unlike people in my new area, most living over there were actually supportive of me. Even the boys. Now, everyone, or almost, supports those who try to make me feel down. I didn't want to experience this anymore, so when I finally turned 13, I joined FANDOM, and later on, I joined this wiki.

I was glad to have joined this wiki and the Wings of Fire Wiki and Wings of Fire Fanon Wiki. I've met many that supported me in many ways, but I never told them a lot about my experiences like this. I felt happy on there and I would choose staying on these wikis rather than going to school. Why? Everyone here is a lot nicer unlike everyone else at my school.

My depression might be moderate to severe, but sometimes I do have my sadness emerge. I use a "mask" to hide my sadness. I haven't told my parents about this. Nothing. Most girls my age usually are sad once and then say "I have depression". They're doing it wrong and it might be a little offensive to those who actually feel that way. Depression is when you're sad almost or all the time and you might have thoughts of suicide and are hurting yourself. I have hurt myself a few times because of everything that was going on at school. It was the worst feeling. When you do have depression, you're usually crying almost all the time. Kind of for me, but I hide it. When my family asks if I'm okay, I hide it and say that I'm fine. I don't want to tell them about this since most girls at my age fake it and they might think that I'm faking.

Right now I'm currently trying to cure my depression on my own without telling everyone. I wanted to say thank you to everyone here who's taking their time to read this and everyone who supported me on the wikis I've been a part of. It means a lot to me. I have many friends on the internet and I don't want to go back to school. I don't care that we don't live near each other, all that I care about is that we're staying together.

Welp, I just poured my heart out there, but one last time: thank you for taking your time to read this.