User blog:Firefly Writings/I've got a lot of crap to explain

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Hm yes, 76 notifications and 5 discussions notifications

Welp, this is awkward.

Where the heck do I begin?

My last contribution here, or anywhere for that matter, was...22 pf september?

Alright if you don't know me, I'm Firefly Writings and I used to go on this wiki. I left because...well that's why I'm making this blog post. I think I'll just start from the beginning, when I first joined the wiki. I saw it a lot on people's 'my favourite wikis' section and I was very curious about what it was like, since the only wiki I had ever contributed to was the WoF one.

The first thing I remember was messaging someone and asking about the wiki. It's purpose, rules etc..then I asked if I could advertise the wiki. I was told it was ok. So I started a little project on the WoF wiki and pretty much s̶p̶a̶m̶m̶e̶d̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶o̶n̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶m̶e̶s̶s̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶l̶l̶s̶ made it my mission to let everyone know about the wiki. At first only like, 4 people volunteered but eventually, a lot of people began to show up.

I was a different person back then. Much more spirited and motivated. I was so excited when I decided it was time I wrote my first story on here. Every week I would update, and every day I would check my notifications to see what happened overnight. I began to make friends, and eventually I started my first roleplay. I started a lot of things. I was so excited I basically went nuts. After a few weeks, I started stalking the wiki activity, trying to find out everything that was going on and read every story posted. Never before had I ever been so engaged with a community.

At first, I would usually spend about 1 hour a day on the wiki.

Then after a while I started getting more engaged. My notifications began to increase. I started a writing contest, more roleplays, and had more ties with the wiki than I had ever had with something in my life. I started getting my first collab requests. At first, I was prepared and had my own little schedule on when I would contribute to them.

But as my social circle grew, the wiki did to. Eventually, it began to be too much. My notifications increased, the amount of storeis posted increased, the amount of collabs, roleplays and basically any activities on the wiki. My ties to this place became more like a chain than a rope. I would bookmark pages and think ''I'll look at it later. ''I would begin to reply with 'maybe' or 'yeah' with basically every notif I recieved. I was, mentally, a kid back then. I didn't know how to handle all this. Eventually, my hours spent on this wiki a day became 2...3...''4. ''

Part of me longed to leave, at least long enough to spend time in real life too. Because while all that happened, a parallel, non internet life was continueing. Behind 'firefly writings' was a teenager who went to school, had hopes, dreams, fears, desires. There was a person who had a fragile social life, a strange relationship with her parents and unpredictable, but usually negative grades. One of the reasons I made The Feelings Corner was so I could share some of the things that went on in my life, but as soon as I began to create a post I would always pause, and decide that it didn't matter. At some point I couldn't coexist with both lives. Again, part of me wanted to leave, but another part of me was ashamed. I had made so many relationships, so many collabs, so many promises on this wiki. I felt that I would be being selfish leave.

This community helped me gain a lot of maturity, and discover a lot of things about myself. Because of this wiki I developed better social skills and writing. But that's the thing, the whole reason why I had decided to join the wiki was to share my writing, but when I became more engaged I started to lose the oppurtunity and motivation to write. At some point I realized that I couldn't just wait to fulfil all my promises to fix my life, and that what happened outside my laptop was more important than anything else. But I was still ashamed, and I didn't want to hurt anyone. So I thought that if I would disapear silently, nobody would notice and everything would be fine. But when I checked my message wall one day, and saw that people still remembered me, I started balling.

I'm writing this now because I was discussing this a few weeks ago with my friend, and when she asked me if I let people know that I was leaving I said no. She basically begged me to at least say something, because saying nothing would just make things worse.

So that's what this is. A formal goodbye. I might come back in january, but I'm not making any promises, because that's the whole reason why I got addicted to the wiki, because I made to many promises.

I would just like to say though, ever since I left, I have been more motivated to write stories, so if I do come back, I will copy and paste one of my stories here, and that's a promise I'm willing to make.