User blog:Luna518/ew i looked in the mirror.

kay so yesterday i was clothes shopping at f21 and trying on cute stuff and my mom goes

wow you’re so pretty, don’t you think you’re pretty?

i went “eh” because im not im just your average joe with an average face, like whatever im like not pretty

and my mums was like AhsndbDabdjvsABnFansjsHHbnHbNjv you are so pretty don’t you think you’re pretty i am jEaLoUs oMfG aDsFlKSKkSkSkkS yOu aRe bEaUtY aNd bRaInS aNd i shouldn’t say this but yOurE pReTtIer ThAn yOU sIsTeR aSdFlKsKSKkSssKs

and i just kept on nodding while trying to hold back tears because im a loser and i hate myself

and she kept on going on about “you’re smart and pretty and polite and your father thinks so too, you just need to smile more” and i was legit so sad because

my dad goes “oh grades aren’t important self esteem is more important all us asians pressure our kids but their self esteem and mental health is more important than anything”

i felt so heckin broken because ive been feeling like a depressed piece of garbage for like one and a half years and i haven’t told my parents anything so i don’t have to start popping pills or going to a therapist and wasting my parents time and money with that crap

and now they’re busy saying my mental health and self esteem is important while at the same time i feel like trash because i won’t ever be enough for them cause im worthless

don’t get me wrong, i love my family more than anything but it’s so hard trying to impress them and be enough for everyone while you’re breaking and faking a smile so everyone else is happy

i can win awards and get straight a’s without trying because i never needed to, people say it’s a blessing

but that’s all i am

just smart

like one day in school, i have two other friends who feel really sad and i was talking to them and we were all helping each other out with our problems and i said “i feel so worthless, like no one cares about me” and my other friend goes “no, people care about you because you’re smart”

is that all i am? kids don’t go “oh hey there’s luna she’s cool” or “there’s luna she’s chill” or she’s funny or weird, or crazy, or nerdy, or bookish, or nice, or something else... just smart

like am i just a number to you? am i just a letter grade? is that all i am? sure i can be smart but i can be so many other things if anyone cared enough to see past that

why am i just freaking garbage im worthless trash god i hate myself

anyways bye