Thread:Skyfire111/@comment-39024013-20190614035845/@comment-31987187-20190615054905

And I’ll cut my hair

And maybe I won’t cut myself out of this body

There was once a girl with a dirty face who hated the thought of makeup and nail polish. She couldn’t quite fit into what was expected of her, a thick barrier separating her from the other girls. So she changed, distanced herself from what she was until she could almost bear to paint her nails. She ignored the anxiety. Pretended that her eyes didn’t sometimes stray towards girl instead of the men she knew she should be attracted to.

But her trembling hands would never hold eyeliner, she couldn’t let herself wear the dresses she hated so much. Skirts were traded for pants, dresses for jackets until she felt a little bit better in her own skin. Her hair was still long, but she didn’t care so much anymore. Anxiety still lived in her head but she wasn’t forcing herself to be something she wasn’t anymore. And maybe someday she’ll cut her hair and wear short sleeves but for now she was happy enough. No more dresses and no more nail polish that she would just peel off.

Her eyes strayed towards girls even more now, doubt rotting in her brain as she turned her head towards men. The girl is faking that, not where her eyes naturally stray. So she’ll get better piece by piece, come to accept her own skin and her own thoughts. Maybe one day she’ll tell the whole world how she feels. Next year or the next year but she will.

Maybe she’ll have to wonder every day if this person is safe to tell, if she can cut her hair and be happy or if she’ll wear heels and cry. If the scratch marks from sleepless nights and times when her heart races a bit too fast will ever fade. But she’s happy now, sort of. That’s enough.

———-

Getting even more personal! This is what Crystal Clear became.