Talk:The Life I Wish I Had/@comment-36583452-20190907022211

Hm, very interesting! I do have a few critiques, though.

-Some parts definite need a description.I understand that the narrator hates the uniform because  the skirt is too short, but what else she  hate about it? A description will give readers a better understanding of it. The readers will also want to know what Mom is doing. Add a small description after the third paragraph. While your at it, also describe the kitchen. All I’m saying is, the story needs some more descriptions overall of what’s going on.

-Adverbs after tags like “says” and “asks”. It’s just a suggestion, but I highly recommend it. This way the reader know how they could’ve exactly said it, such as if Mom says excited, “Let’s go!”, the readers know that the Mom is hyped.

-Again, with descriptions, truly to describe how the narrator does her actions. For instance, when you’re describing the narrator getting dressed, also describe how she does it, like, “Feeling absolutely disgusted but showing no hint of it, I put on the undershirt and school jacket.”

-Some sentences can be combined, like, “I put on the undershirt and school jacket, then slide on the skirt right after.”

These are just suggestions, but they will definitely enhance your writing in the future! :)