Talk:The Beginning of the End/@comment-37335257-20191207220929/@comment-37335257-20191208214328

Okay! So, the scene is kinda choppy, and rushed. Like her father seems almost prepared for her coming out? So maybe like, add some sort of pause in, where everyone kinda goes "..."

It'll make it feel even more realistic, not to say this doesn't already.

The father also already has a speech prepared? I feel that based on the limited knowledge that I learned about him that he would be confident that his 'sons' wouldn't be part of that? I don't know exactly, but he seems that type. (Not trying to assume, simply provide reader's input.)

Just...maybe smooth things out a bit? I'm not trying to be rude, or all negative, but I just wanted to help you be the best you could be.

I do love this story! Very interesting!