Existential sorrow

Disclaimer// Original story

Sorrow
The bright lights blinded me. When I came to be, I could see I was in a cramped room with my friend as well as paramedics, laying on a gurney. Straining to sit up to no avail, I turned my head to see two white doors, the windows covered in chain link, almost impossible to see through. I clung onto my teddy bear for dear life, as i silently cried, wondering where I had gone wrong in my life to end up here. A few minutes lather, an older woman in a jade scrub unlocked the door, and then as I was pushed into the building, neither the paramedics or my friend followed. The woman rushed to the door, closing it and locking it before anyone tried to escape. I examined my surroundings, noting the hall which patients in jade shirts and pants wandered around, speaking to themselves. My surroundings were completely white, with rectangular lights that were capable of blinding one. The nurse warily looked at me, asking if I would cooperate with her to which I responded yes. She began to undo the straps that held me down, and guided me down from the bed, still being rather cautious. I was led into a room with white tile floors, white walls, and a single chair, as well as standard doctor equipment. My height, as well as weight were taken down, and I started to make my way to the door. The nurse stopped me, informing me that I couldn't go by myself and that she wasn't done yet.

I began to cry again, realizing that after this experience I probably wouldn't be the same again.

She softly asked me to shake out my clothes, and commenced to pat me down, searching for any items used to harm myself or others. She told me for the remaining time being, I wouldn't have to change my clothes, but eventually I would have to. It got worse. Painstakingly, I pulled the shoe laces out of my shoes for "my own safety". The nurse handed me a pair of blue socks with little white lines on them which were a size too big, and commanded me to put them on. As I pulled them on, she opened the door for me, and guided me towards another room, this one more like the one I entered through. She declared that the doctor would be there shortly, and abandoned me in a foreign room, that seemed to be telling me I was in danger. I began to take note of the room, searching for anything harmful, but only saw a computer, a desk, two brown chairs, and a white door with a small window covered by chain link. After a couple of minutes a tall man entered the room, his blond hair combed with round glasses propped upon his face. He carried a brief case along with him, behind him trailed his associate. His face and eyes had a blank expression on them, but he seemed to be kind, although it must have been fabricated seeing the current situation we were in.

I was asked quite a few questions about how I was doing which was, severely depressed at the time, and about how I got put into my current predicament. His cold, blank eyes bore into me as he interrogated me about how I was doing up there. I drawled that I was doing fine with my sadness until I had a downward spiral a few months ago, which caused me to become very erratic as well as have traumatizing nightmares. After about an hour, he left the room while wishing me good luck, not telling me if I would be allowed to leave. It wasn't that I was doing completely fine then, but i was concerned about what the future would hold if I remained there. He ushered me out of the room, pointing to a room close-by, without a door and kindly told me to go there. By the entrance, was a nurse sitting on a stool typing information into a computer. She requested my name, to which I responded "Akeldama", and told me to take a seat, while gesturing, without glancing my direction once. I hesitantly stood there and moved towards a bed. It had a hard mattress, with a pale jade cover, and a blue piece of plastic below it, holding it up. I looked around, making eye contact with a two other teenagers as they glanced at the new comer. There was a disney channel show playing in the background on the TV, as I chatted with one of the teenagers, while the other one ate. She had tan skin, warm brown eyes, and spoke in a soft voice, her long brown hair tucked behind her ear. She had a gold nose piercing, and was dressed in black sweat pants and a dark blue sweatshirt. While speaking to me, she suddenly yelled at the staff" "WHEN CAN I LEAVE? I'VE BEEN HERE FOR FIVE HOURS NOW!" The girl didn't really seem like she belonged here but, I wasn't able to tell since I didn't know her that well. After a bit of talking, I turned to watch the show, while remincing on my mistakes and how terrible I felt.