Talk:Essence: The Story of an Outcast/@comment-44390494-20200206053535

Really cool! (I just realized that if I post this I'm going to join the wiki, but oh well! I'm also too lazy to go find "Writer's Club" on the other wiki, haha.) There are a few details I have a few questions about, though.

The news had came two hours ago by Jiovahni's older brother Mottle.

So first, you use the word "come" because you added the word "had," meaning it changes the verb's tense to (insert fancy and complicated verb tense I cannot remember). Another thing is that if "Mottle" is his brother, then you add a come between the word "brother" and "Mottle," because of (insert other fancy grammar rule I am also too tired to remember the name of), so it would look like this:

'''The news had come two hours ago by Jiovahni's older brother, Mottle. '''

Another thing is that in this paragraph

'''"I thought I would be an Artist when I was your age!  Ha, what if I had?" Vahni's mom nudged him, trying to lighten up his mood. Vahni didn't buy it. "But I don't have a clue what Mark I'll have tomorrow.  All I like to do is sit in trees and play.  I just want to blend in and stay where I am!"'''

it is not as clear who is the speaker of the dialogue. Remember to space out when a new speaker comes in. Right now, it sounds as if his mother were speaking the whole time. This is how I would put it:

'''"I thought I would be an Artist when I was your age!  Ha, what if I had?" Vahni's mom nudged him, trying to lighten up his mood. Vahni didn't buy it. '''

'''"But I don't have a clue what Mark I'll have tomorrow," he said. "All I like to do is sit in trees and play.  I just want to blend in and stay where I am!"'''

Overall, I think it's pretty awesome! I can't spot any other mistakes (I might have missed something; I'm tired, haha).