User blog:Darkmoon the IceWing NightWing/Word Vomit

November 9
Honestly, my life seems to be taking a turn down a cliff. I'm an emotional, moody train wreck right now, or at least that's what it feels like. My crush has been ignoring me for over a week. My dad keeps pointing out everything I do wrong. There's always something or another that I have to be doing instead of having fun of at least enjoying myself while I do something. I think I have depression.

There's so many things to hate about myself, and I keep being reminded of them every time I look in a mirror. I'm awkward, abrupt, annoying, weird, and decidedly not very pretty. I do try to think of some positives, though. I mean, I am smart and reasonably friendly. But there's not much I can do when my mind seems stuck in negativity. It's like I'm in a constant whirlwind of dark emotions and pessimistic thoughts.

One line from a song I like, Jet Black Heart by 5SOS, describes my current emotional state. The lyric is cause I've got a jet black heart, and there's a hurricane underneath it. To me it means that I've got this blank mask I put up to seem like I'm okay, but there's a f***ing hurricane of emotions going on inside me. I'm not okay, even though I say I'm fine.

I don't know what to do. Maybe when tomorrow comes, I'll be okay. My mental state in the past few days just hasn't been great. I've been really stressed and depressed, but I'm trying my best. Hopefully I can keep it up, and I have church tomorrow, so I get to see some of my fellow band nerds. They're annoying, but they're also my only real friends at my church, so I don't mind talking to them.

I'm feeling tired and unmotivated. I know it's kind of selfish, but I just want to watch YouTube and ignore everything else. The world is being really complicated and confusing, so it's nice to take a break sometimes. I just don't want to do anything.