User blog:Pokeballmachine/Extremely nervous

So most of you know that I've been using FANDOM in secret and I start school on Wednesday (yep,, i got out for summer break late). Well, thanks a lot, I think everything's gonna get worse.

So about me using FANDOM in secret, my younger sister knows. Keep in mind that my sister is a Leo and I'm a Pisces, and the two have opposite personalities and don't get along with each other very well. (see https://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com/compatibility/pisces-leo/ for an example) Today my sister and I got into a fight and my dad overheard. He said he would talk to her, but to try and calm myself, I listened to music with my headphones on when I thought I heard my sister say "I told him". I'm not sure if it was true since I had headphones, but I've been deleting all my FANDOM emails since my dad knows my email and the password. If my parents found out I had a FANDOM account, then it would be the worst day of my life. Good thing it hasn't happened.

School starting. Ack. No. I don't want to. I prefer to stay at home, alone, and using my technology. It's because of my entire backstory similar to Bernadetta von Varley (Fire Emblem)'s backstory. I don't like talking about my backstory, but I feel like I should since I feel completely lost.

I am disabled in my sight with nearsightedness and I have two phobias-- arachnophobia (I bet you know this one, but if not somehow, fear of spiders) and scopophobia (fear of being watched). I just found out I had two phobias, and knowing my classmates, it's gonna be tough.

My classmates expect you to be what your gender is. For example, if you're a girl, the boys would always despise them thinking they're a vsco girl, but if you acted the opposite, they still wouldn't like you. My school is FULL of vsco girls and Fortnite kids, and I'm a tomboy, so it's been really hard.

Oh boy glasses life is tough at school. Take them off to rub something off that got on there? Immediately someone might get out of their seat and run across the room (I'm nearsighted) and hold a random amount of fingers up and yell to get my attention "HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP". It's honestly annoying. As a Pisces, I don't like having the attention. But my classmates are the number one attention seeking class you'll ever meet. Even one of my classmates is sexist and he insults the girls, even me. God, I hate my school. They make fun of your sexualty, certainly if you're gay/lesbian (they always accuse each other of being gay for no reason just to make each other upset), even if you're straight. I'm a pansexual and I'm trying to build up my confidence. Everyone ships me with this boy for no reason. We're just friends. That's what I tell them everytime. They don't listen.

Another thing that makes it worse? I have social anxiety and prefer to be alone no matter what and I always have the unpopular opinions, such as Stranger Things is overrated (I'm the only girl in my class that doesn't watch the show, everyone's disappointed, and even my cousin is disappointed that I don't watch it. It's only my class that makes fun of the part that I watch anime, not my cousin, my cousin watches anime too.) and My Hero Academia is better, I'd rather write an essay than do math (I swear I actually do; I hate math).

Before I came to the wiki, the stuff went on for a long, LONG time. Terrible things. I was the weird kid. The loner kid. I got too much hate, and that turned into my own hatred that affected my reputation (my classmates only care about reputation in order to be successful), and now everyone wants to choose a different partner for group projects, but I still get picked sometimes.

That hatred I took in? I used it. I started becoming a cold person you really didn't want to be around with unless if you actually got a chance to talk with alone. I hissed like a cat (that my sister called a dying screaming goat) at people when I got angry and started becoming more dark and violent. I didn't become a bully; I tried not to, but I became a violent person who wishes for their enemies' death. I was such a cold person because of my classmates who make fun if you don't behave how they expect you to be.

Thanks a lot, school. My life is ruined.

I couldn't take it anymore. My parents don't allow me to have online friends; they only allow me to have real life friends. My parents hate the entire idea of meeting new people on the internet. It could even be an adult wanting to come for you. I decided to disobey them. I couldn't take it anymore. I signed up for FANDOM and joined the Wings of Fire Fanon Wiki, and soon this wiki. My life changed. There's one thing I'm still struggling at-- keeping this account away from my parents. I really hope they don't find out about this, because if so, my horrible life will come bacl.

Now, school starts in two days for me; on the 14th.

I'm actually nervous right now about two different things. I feel stuck.