Thread:Lemonshrike/@comment-39024013-20190622041400

'''I thought your story would be a bit more gory, luckily my thoughts on what this would be like were heavily exaggerated. Your writing style is very satisfying, and has a very engaging story. I enjoy the way you describe the people and their actions, and I’m excited to see more of that. I have little critics, only that you split the first paragraph since after a while it ‘breaks the flow’ and you fix up the following sentence. But even then they did not affect my reading enough for me to remotely dislike this well-written short.'''

'‘A thud was heard in the palace that night, the following morn, the dead body of one of the king’s elite guard was found upon the floor. ‘'

The start doesn’t make any sense to me, I think it was the wording, try this:

'‘A thud was heard in the palace that night, then following mourn, then the dead body of one of the king’s elite guard was found upon the floor. ‘'

However, it’s possible you intended it to sound like this.

'‘A thud was heard in the palace that night, the following morning, the dead body of one of the king’s elite guard was found upon the floor. ‘'

'''It is also possible that I’m not reading it probably, so you don’t have to change it. I look forward to your further works on this wiki. Thank you.'''  